If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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