Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
