Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
