i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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