nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
