i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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