I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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