Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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