You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
