Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
