im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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