ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
one might say we're banned from that church
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
