NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
