Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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