i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
