I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
