FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
