just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
