That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
