there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
