i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
