I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
