Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
