The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
