11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
