im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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