His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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