she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
