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I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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