You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
