he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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