TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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