i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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