I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
