The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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