Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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