It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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