My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
