I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
