STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
