...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
