Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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