nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
