I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
