you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
