Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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