party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
