I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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