no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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