Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
