Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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